Putting the Id in Idiot

Sebastian’s last post got me thinking. Being that I’ve not even had my coffee yet, that’s remarkable. All that talk of ropes and tents – he actually got me thinking about a few things.

Ah, the questions. Who am I? What defines me? Philosophy, sociology, even psychiatry – all areas of study I’ve taken up at one point or another although I’m not quite sure how enhanced my life has been as a result.

My teens were spent dreaming about who I wanted to be. The 20’s were being a lot of different things and figuring out what felt the most comfortable. Now as I near the end of my 30’s I simply am Aaron – I guess defined by my daily actions more than anything else.

There was a time when I was my job. I have been ________’s lover, not so much an individual as part of a couple. I’ve been a product of my parents, where I live, how I live, illness, wealth, poverty, popularity, the size of my cock, the size of my ego, the regularity in which I get laid, celibacy (which is it’s own punishment), number of acquaintances, number of friends, hours alone at my worst and best, motivation, fear, and comparison.

I’ve no clearer a way of defining myself than I have ever. My being is beyond explanation or at least any real desire to explain.

I guess when all is said and done I’ll have been the sum of all of my relationships. I have fewer now than ever before (once I thought one was defined by popularity) but each true friendship is important and cherished. It is through these remarkable folk that I get a sense of self – my desire to be a good person amongst good people. Often with them I am simply a smile or a tear. Inevitably one day I’ll just be a memory – hopefully a nice one.