Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Submarine Creamed Corn

Since we’re all coming clean, I have something to admit. I am, in fact, a single, relatively cute, thirty-something Jewish guy who lives in a beautiful downtown Toronto apartment with his cat Noudnic who talks very loud and throws his hands around when he gets animated; who constantly pisses off his friends for giving his opinion before it’s asked for, who works on contract (and who, incidentally, just found out that a major translation contract that would have paid rent for a couple of months has been cancelled, leaving him penniless now that rent has been paid until further notice); who aspires to making a living with the words he throws together; who has a major crush on Israeli singer Harel Skaat (even though he doesn’t like the music much); and who still hasn’t forgiven his friend Lightning Man who met said singer this summer and didn’t get his autograph; who will use every razor-sharp word he can find to put you several places below your place if provoked; but who will shower you with love and affection (and gifts finances permitting) if he finally decides he can trust you. So that’s about all you need to know. The rest you can infer. If you infer wrong, that’s too bad. If you infer right, that’s good too. Trust that others who they say they are is a question in this little circle these days. I state that, that although I admit I now have a slightly bitter taste in my mouth – it’s not just the fifteen cups of coffee – I don’t really care anymore. I have been magnificently entertained of late. Although I do feel bad for everyone, and I mean everyone, who feels let down and betrayed by anything they read in a blog, it’s just a blog. It’s a medium for self-expression however the writer sees fit to express. You can do what you want in a blog. It’s wonderful and freeing to write and write and not have to care about the consequences of your words. They are just words. It’s that weird cross between private and personal that drives us to take these fun little toys too seriously. I am very guilty of this. I killed my old blog when it began to take on a life of its own and locked me in the closet and wouldn’t let me out … and would only feed me Brussels sprouts! Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I snuck out one night when it was yelling at some other blog over differing opinions on the controversial debate over Canadian tariffs on American baby carrots (I am not making this up) and hit it over the head again and again with a tin of creamed corn. And then I was free. See? I can write stuff like that. Who believes me? Who thinks it’s important? I mean, does anyone honestly believe that I would have a tin of creamed corn anywhere near my apartment? It’s when you read that that you grew skeptical of the truth of my words, eh. Admit it. When I started blogging I never dreamed that I would start something visited, at its height, an average of 500 times a day. I never set out to make friends, but I am very glad for a handful of people I have met and would like to stay in contact with (including, the blogger I was a bit too blunt with about trust issues (or the lack thereof) a few short minutes ago – please write back to me, honey! I don’t bite). I am grateful for the friends I know on the physical plane whose names some if you saw drifting through the paragraphs the old blog. They keep me real when the words fill my head. I would be an empty, bombastic windbag without them. Actually, I would be nothing without them. All this makes me human. What sort of a human I want you so see is what I decide. That’s my right. Take it or leave it, but at least laugh, think, dream, fume, rant, and giggle with me. That’s all I ask. And on a tangential note, I am starting something new. The template is almost done and I’ll begin writing again soonish. It looks best in IE5 and up since some of the CSS features I employ don’t work in older IE, Netscape or Mozilla (although I’m assured it looks good in them too). I haven’t settled on a title, although I may just take the URL, which means ‘King of Atlantis’, and use that. Let me know what you think. This is what it’ll look like. Anyone who really believes I’m the King of Atlantis will have to eat an entire can of creamed corn mixed with Brussels sprouts.

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