Marriage Defined

In Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Ohio, Utah and Oregon marriage has now been defined as that between a man and a woman. Except for Georgia and Oregon, I’ve not considered really hanging out in any of these states. As far as the other two, I no longer have a desire to visit.

No longer will I be accepting any invitations to weddings, bachelor parties, showers and anniversary celebrations. My friends will understand this protest. Even same-sex unions which I normally would wish to celebrate can only seem to me as 2 kids playing dress-up and pretending. Domestic partnership sounds more like a business for cleaning houses than a union between two people in love and committed to a life together.

So what do I do now? Should I stand outside weddings with a sign and bullhorn in protest? Yeah that will go ever real well.

- “Bitch you ruined my wedding!”

Yeah, well it seems like mine will be ruined even before I can plan it.

I was proposed to once – in a restaurant in Los Angeles, a new trendy place on La Brea which happened to be run by a lesbian couple. It was our anniversary and Rick was acting strange. I figured he was nervous because he was trying to match me as a romantic – a hard task. On the table were more roses than I could count. A sample of practically everything on the menu was brought out to us – it seems the lesbians were getting into this by their generosity and many smiles thrown our way. I’m still grateful to them for their part in one of the most special occasions of my life.

At one point during our meal he handed me a card which ended with, “Will you marry me? Wait – look up.” I looked up. He was there on bended knee with a ring in a somewhat shaky hand.

“Yes.”

“Yes, Rick.”

“Yes Rick! Now sit down.”

He was so nervous and cute. I was also nervous but so very happy.

I was in my early twenties back then and resigned to the fact that legal marriage was never an option. This was something I never questioned. My Uncle Danny and “Aunt” Felipe had been in a committed union for many years – one of the few in my family that hadn’t ended in divorce. I grew up knowing that two men could be lovers and had expected I would someday find one of my own.

Rick eventually did get his facsimile of a marriage, just not with me. They are still together despite the lack of social and familial support.

I’ve been a confirmed bachelor for many years, so why should I bother getting all political about the equal rights and protections of same-sex unions? Because I am a romantic, an up-start, a protester and a citizen of a country which states I have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Recently these pursuits have become more difficult due to my own health situations and the political climate of the day. When faced with adversity I always come out fighting – hard. Even when I am overwhelmed and tired I find a way to recharge the batteries, my faith and spirit, pick myself up and go forward.

I can only be on a losing side when my team gives up. We haven’t yet – at least I haven’t yet. I may die a spinster, but this fight isn’t about my love life. I already can love, I have and will continue to – that cannot be taken away just like any part of my nature.

No, this fight is about human rights and equality – defining each with total inclusion not exception. If I can battle brain tumors, I can also battle ignorance with the same passion as that of a dying man.

History teaches me that change can occur with one individual. It may not be me, but it will be someone.